One Last Hope

“That's it! I'm done!” I splashed my way out of the water, creating the only noise in the otherwise eerily quiet mountain top forest. I was drenched, cold, and tired, and I was done being ignored. I stormed past my bodyguard, who simply held up his hands to try to halt my retreat.

“No. This is ridiculous. I'm not getting anywhere, and I'm wasting time.” I snatched my cloak from his hands and wrapped it around the thin white dress I was forced to wear for the ceremony. Even within my rage, I managed to briefly focus on the minute blessing that the dress fabric was at least thick enough that my companion couldn't see anything a maiden shouldn't show. I felt exposed enough already.

My guard reached for my arm. Gently. He didn't say a word. Of course he didn't, he never did. I was beginning to forget what his voice sounded like. Instead, he simply looked at me with pleading eyes. Piercing eyes. Fierce eyes. I ripped my arm away from him.

“This quest is hopeless, and you know it! Why are you making me continue?”

His jaw tightened, as did the muscles in his back. His chest broadened and he slammed his left fist against his right breastplate. Embedded on his cloak just above where his knuckles landed was my family's crest. My kingdom's crest.

“Nothing is happening. I'm not helping anything out here. What would you have me do? How would you have me succeed?”

His lips barely separated, but it was enough that I hoped he would respond. That he would say anything to me. Instead, he snapped them back closed and turned his head slightly to the side, his eyes averted from me. His back loosened slightly. I knew then that he'd stick to his decision to quietly carry the burden we both bore. He was just as bound as I to never misstep, so he kept his tongue still to help avoid potential mistakes.

“Yes, that's what I thought. I am going home. I'm done with this pointless pursuit.” I held my head tall, my chin parallel with the ground, as I was always taught. I walked over to my royal white steed with a calm determination. I kept the rest of my anger brewing under the surface.

I stood by my horse, waiting for my guard to assist me. Instead, he stayed stoically by the edge of the pond. He didn't tell me no. He didn't shake his head. He simply stood by the water with his arms tight against his sides.

“You are my guard,” I yelled, “you are my sworn protector. You are supposed to be the elite of my father's army. You are the chosen one. Where I go you are to go. Even when I have told you that I was perfectly capable of traveling alone, you were stubbornly there. That is because you know you are to stay by my side, always. So, when I say I am heading home you are to accompany me. Am I understood?”

He didn't move aside from a slight rise of his head and roll of his shoulders.

“Fine. It is your head once Father finds out. I told you before I have no need for an escort anyway.” I mounted my horse by myself, proving to my companion how capable I actually was. I then rode away. I expected to hear him race after me. I expected to hear his beautiful, chestnut-hued mare trotting behind me. Instead they both stayed perfectly still, well trained to stand their ground. The problem was that he was holding his ground against my orders.

I turned my steed around and trotted back to him. Without dismounting, I stared him down.

“You know this isn't going to work. You've seen that it doesn't work. And yet you would have me stay? Do you intend for me to freeze to death in that water? Or to starve in these woods?”

He broke my gaze and instead studied the ground he was firmly planted upon.

“Then come along. I already decided that I will imprison myself in my own bedchambers once we return. I am clearly no good to Father, so it will not matter that I stay in my room for the rest of my days. I will no longer need a guard. You could move back into the village. Find yourself a charming woman to take as your wife. Perhaps even have a few children before the war takes us all. Do not waste your days following me to these blasted temples.”

His eyes slowly rose up to meet mine again. He took a step away from me, unsheathed his sword, swung it around his body in an elaborate wind up before firmly embedding the blade deep inside the ground. His follow through left him on bended knee and huffing. Again fixating his eyes on me, he stood and rested both hands on the pummel.

I leapt off my horse and stormed over to him. I couldn't comprehend why he wouldn't let me leave. I had spent hours; days praying at the sacred springs of the other two goddesses. Nothing happened. Now that I was at this pool, was he planning for me to do the same? I knew by now what to expect. I knew when my prayers fell on deaf ears. I had already spent hours in that water. There was no response from any of the Divine Sisters. There was no change in the air. I felt no sacred power unlock within me, as it had for all of my ancestors.

He should have let me admit defeat now instead of inevitably doing so later. I felt bad enough knowing how much of a failure I was to my father. A failure to my kingdom. A failure to my people. A failure to my legacy. A failure to the few friends I possessed. A failure to my guard.

No. Worse. He had been by my side since we were ten. He was but a squire then, but he was my constant when my father was absent and my servants rotated. As he aged into a knight I began my studies. Yet by my side he stayed. Always. If I were out of my bedchambers he was with me. He watched me study and practice. He watched me train, as I had watched him. I knew he had earned his position as my sacred guard, so he should have known just as well that I pushed myself as hard as I could. That I barely slept. That I barely ate. That I strained to increase my worthiness. I did not allow myself fun or relaxation. I hadn't the time.

My companion knew I tried my hardest; that I struggled to meet my supposed destiny. He knew the burden my father put on me to get a response from the goddesses, to help prevent the impending war. Yet he glared at me with a cruel kindness. If I rode home now I would be more than a failure to him. I would be a deserter. There would be no forgiving of that.

“Speak, dammit!” I shouted, “If you are so confident that I will succeed, then tell me how to complete my task. Do you know more than I how to unlock my power? Do you know for certain that I even have it?”

He simply looked over his shoulder at the Spring of Wisdom. His hands still fixed on his pummel.

“What if it cannot be done? What if the goddesses remain silent? What if I am the first princess within a millenia that does not have a gift from the Divine Sisters? What if I cannot defeat our enemy and seal him away? What if war cannot be stopped? Not through prayers. Not through me. What then?”

He remained looking at the stilled water I had vacated moments ago. Stubbornly saying nothing.

“Let us go home! Tell my father I am no good at this. Tell my father that I have no divine powers. Tell him I am no mystic, I am a scholar. Convince him I am better used researching physical protectors instead of calling out for divine ones. Tell him!”

I collapsed to my knees. My companion dropped to the ground before me and caught me as I sank. He left his sacred sword unattended for the first time since he received it two years ago. He cradled me as I wept in his arms.

He allowed me to cry. He remained silent. He didn't condescend. He didn't berate my wasting of precious time. He didn't call out my weakness. He simply was my companion, and held me until my breathing steadied again and my eyes dried. He then wiped the water still streaking down my cheeks before lifting me to my feet.

He needn't say a word, nor make another gesture. My heart was cleansed a bit in his arms. My freely flowed tears had washed my soul. I handed my cloak back to my companion, held my chin parallel with with ground once more, and waded back into the cold water.

I was newly determined to stay in that water, calling out to the last goddess, our last hope. I had to get her blessing. I had to receive her gift of sealing. I had to stop the war before it could begin. I had to make my father proud. I had to protect my people, my kingdom. I had to take the burden back off my friends so that they could live care-free lives. Most importantly, I had to prove my worth to my guard, to prove that the time he had dedicated to my protection was not wasted. I needed to save him the way he had me.